RichmondWritersCircle

We’re back. Actually, we’ve been back for a bit now (see the post about the Xmas break below).

Twice a year we have a competition, and one of them is next month. As you are doubtless aware, the 14th of February has been designated by an international conspiracy of jewelers, restaurateurs, card makers, rose growers and makers of naff teddy bears and other such rubbish, as Spend-a-Fortune-on-Ludicrously-Overpriced-Love-Tokens-to-Avoid-Being-in-Deep-Trouble-with-the-Other-Half Day.

Whilst we denounce this conspiracy, we at the Richmond Writers’ Circle are artistes (ahem) and Love is one of the great themes of literature. So get writing for our competition to be on Wednesday the 15th of February. It’ll come round faster than you think. There’ll be a token prize. Get on with it (yeah, it’s tough love). Rules:

LOVE THEME COMPETITION

Write a love story or poem. It can be comic, romantic, cynical or tragic.

Rules and Guidance

(1) Word Limit for stories is 2,000
(approx 10 minutes reading time)
(2) Only one category can be entered by each person
(3) One poem or one short story only
(4) Plays or scripts to be read by the author only no help is allowed
(5) No copies of poems or stories to be distributed
(6) Latecomers will not be permitted to enter the competition nor vote
(7.40 for 8.00 start)
(7) Register your intention to read when you arrive
(you will not be allowed to compose a poem or story
during the competition to be read at the end)

If there are less than 4 poems the voting will be 1st & 2nd of all works read.

http://richmondwriterscircle.org/competitions-love-and-death/

Oh dear, the global economy is going belly up, the weather is dreadful, the time of year miserable, and on top of all that, we have to put up with Christmas yet again. Oh, well, I suppose some of you enjoy it. Here is what I’ve been told to say by the less Scrooge-like members:

At a recent meeting we discussed the dates of the Christmas break. Our last meeting of the year will be on Wednesday December 14th. After it we will have a short party – a bring-a-bottle/packet-of-crisps/mince pie kind of do.

We will meet again in the New Year on Wednesday 11th January. Hopefully this will give people time to recover from the festive season and write something new and amazing.

“Tidings of comfort and joy to one and all.” Said Tiny Tim.

There are all sorts of books and courses that claim they can make you a writer, even a great writer, or at least make the process easier. There is even software. It is hard to see how software could help. After all Shakespeare managed quite well without anything as high tech as even a Biro. However, some people swear by writing things on bits of paper or cards and shuffling them around, and software can help you do that. It is sort of a step on from word processing software which most people today couldn’t do without. Perhaps readers of this site might have a go at the following and let us know what they think:

http://www.storylite.com/

In answer to the question “What is the actual date of the Heather Vineham [see a couple of posts down] this year?” We’ve plumped for Wednesday the 2nd of November as the date as it is nearest Halloween and still before Guy Fawkes so it sort of still count as a scary time of year.

The answer to the question “Do I have to be a professional writer to come to the meetings?” is: good heavens no! Come along whatever point you are in writing. You’re very welcome.

Let us confess, a writers’ group  has its flaws. One is that most of the people there are not professionals in their field and sometimes the new writer will want advice from people in the business. That is where assorted agencies and companies come in.

One of our group recently got the urge for a bit of ‘pro’ advice, as it were, and especially some proper editing, and so approached a couple of these institutions (we may name them later, after consulting our lawyers, or just out of pig headedness.) Our would-be best seller writer, having a particular style sent along decent chunks of work and asked whom might the sympathetic editor be that would lick the work into shape.

After a few days one agency hadn’t replied, but the other one did. They were enthusiastic. Hurrah! For a whisker under £700 they would be delighted to write a report! (In case overseas readers are wondering, that’s over US$1,000 at today’s exchange rate!)

But wait! Our intrepid author spied a flaw. They weren’t going to actually edit the work, but give a major report on it. Then the author would have to edit it and then, for any further advice, would need to resubmit the manuscript along with another fee (albeit discounted by a whole 5% this time.) Hmmm. And then there was the editor / report writer. He came highly recommended (well, he would), and he’d nearly won awards (which is actually rather good because it meant he’d been published and sold reasonably well) and… well, our author made uses of the services of the good people of Google.

The Google elves unearthed an interview with the editor / report writer in one of those big newspapers favoured by people who think they are arty and read a lot of books (and sometimes buy them too). Good News! Oh wait, what’s this bit about the books he likes to read? Oh dear.

You see, our author writes comedy. People, of many differing types, including some of those regulars at Richmond Writers’ Circle, have actually laughed out loud at our author’s efforts. (And for the right reasons. The material is funny. It isn’t that our author turned up having forgotten the donning of the trousers that morning before leaving the house.) Unfortunately the prospective editor had been variously decsribed as ‘wry’ and ‘charmingly ridiculous’. The words ‘funny’ and ‘comedy’ had not been used.

Now, ‘funny’ and ‘comedy’ are to ‘wry’ and ‘charmingly ridiculous’ as ‘love’ and ‘sex’ are to ‘fondness’ and, well,  ‘you know when you really fancy someone and you’ve spent a lovely evening with them and they really seem into you and they invite you back to their place for coffee and… all you get is coffee? Like that.’

You can see our author’s dilemma. But what of the suggested editor’s reading habits? The fingers are as lead as they reach for the keyboard, dear reader, as lead. First of all, apparently he doesn’t like fiction. Furthermore, the little he does read is ‘Money’ by Martin Amis, which he re-reads every year, Brett Easton Ellis, but he doesn’t like the violence (what the hell’s he reading Brett Easton Ellis for then, the jokes?) and The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. For those of you not familiar with the works of Ms Rand, she was a writer so devoid of humour that she makes Margaret Thatcher look like the understudy for Joan Rivers!

Surely there is someone out there that can edit comedy? Someone that knows about stuff with jokes and actual punch lines. Someone must understand why “A Dragon is for Life, not just Hogswatch Night” is hilarious!

All advice gratefully received. Suicide notes Suggestions on a postcard please.

October brings Halloween and that brings our gruesome competition…

HEATHER VINEHAM NIGHT

Competition Rules and Guidance

Write a short story or poem on a spooky theme:

Word limit for short stories – 2000, or 10 mins. reading time;
10 minute reading time maximum for poetry;
Only 1 poem or story to be read;
Only 1 section (poetry/short story) can be entered;
No copies of poems or stories to be distributed;
Latecomers will not be eligible to enter or vote if the readings have started or if they arrive after 8.00 pm;

Register your intention to read when you arrive – poems can not be written during the meeting;
Work must NOT have been published;
Must be your own work.

Who was Heather Vineham? See below…

Heather Vineham

We hold the Heather Vineham Night on the nearest Wednesday to Halloween as a tribute to Heather who was a valued member of the circle. She died suddenly on Christmas Eve nearly 20 years ago. She was an attractive and charming woman of seventy. Her wicked sense of humour was reflected in her writing.

During the Second World War she was employed on secret work at Bletchley Park. As she said, “We never knew what people either side of us were doing, and we never asked.”

After the war she wrote ghost stories for Blackwoods and The London Mystery Magazine. She was published many times. Her sense of humour, although often ghoulish, was delightful. She was entertaining, generous and warm hearted. Everyday she fed the feral cats who lived in the park near her flat.

When she died on Christmas Eve, the winter was so severe that no graves could be dug. Her funeral could not be held for three weeks. Knowing her sense of humour I’m sure that, wherever she was then, she had a chuckle about that!

Maureen Jarman